Inner Peace

Is it possible. How can I justify trying to impart such a thing when I am so far from it myself. Though I will not deny you that I am feeling closer to it now than I have in a while. As I creep ever so closely to my 41st birthday I know that I am entering a very favored decade. Many women say that this decade and turning 50 was one of the greatest turning points of thier lives. A time of happiness, security and comfort. I know that this can be true. Of course, financial freedom always helps and I'm sure that many women attain it moving into thier 40's. I guess you either accept who you are or figure out what you are about. Either way, I am still a little confused by all of it. All I know is that I am Jake's mom. That's good. The rest is just eggs in the fridge, the last spoonful of peanut butter, a found candybar in the fridge, the 10 dollar bill in the dryer. You get it, right. Joel and I embark in the last 3 months before starting the last effort to have a 2nd child. I would by no means say we are desperate, but we would really love to have a baby in the house. Jake wants it too, more than we can imagine. He talks about twins, a baby brother and a sister. TWINS. O.k. I can do that. YOU CAN DO IT! I yell to my ovaries, my eggs, Joel's sperm. Let's clean up our act and get the hell out of Dodge. I want to start trying yesterday, damnit. I have to try so hard to ignore that little, evil voice in my head that says "You can't do it, you've tried, it won't work. You are destined to one only child." And, that is not so bad, but I keep seeing a little girl. And is that so wrong. I had her in my damn hands and she slipped away. So, we try again. Other than that, we are balancing the act of making money and having a life. We don't do either with leisure. No middle ground here, only highs and lows. I heard an amazing interview with John Lennon on KUT, 90.5 (Austin). I continue to be amazed by him and really by the Beatles. I dug up Jake's 1st album, The Beatles 1, Greatest Hits. It's awesome. Diverse. Try to check the interview out on KUT archives. I couldn't find it, but I was in a hurry. Start a donation jar for my yogayoga certification. If you donate, I guarantee you free yoga lessons for life. Yes, I'm liking that idea a lot. Adios, Ciao, Aloha, Shalom. Happy New Year.