The Sound of Music

Music. How lucky of a species are we to be gifted with something so beautiful. Something that is able to reach into our heart, soul and mind and pluck away at memories, not only recalling but ever constantly creating. There is a library of music ranging from Emmylou Harris to a crazy punk rock band named Sexy Finger Champs that marks my life with moments that come alive at the very strike of the 1st chord. I certainly can't forget Cat Stevens from childhood along with Creedence Clearwater, The Jackson Five, The Pointer Sisters, Loretta Lynn and the original Hank Williams. I was fortunate to be raised with an open mind to the diversity of music but I really hadn't seen much until I met Joel. A musician who was raised by four brothers and an amazing father all seeped in the cultural diversity of music. Our vast CD library rambles through Jazz, Blues, Latin, Country, Bluegrass, Soul, Cajun, Classical and so many variations of rock I couldn't begin to sub-divide. As I sit here on a Monday evening, Valentine's no less, listening to Emmylou, I remember the 1st time this album penetrated my life. Marking me in a way so significant I knew that forever this album would represent a turning point, a time when I shed a skin and walked in a new light, an awakening. I was in my early 30's working on a music video, Brooks & Dunn, down in the bottom of Texas, a place called LaJitas. I was staying in a hotel with a tile porch looking out toward the Old Mexico border. The job was hard as hell and rest was cherished. I sat out on that cool porch one evening as the sun set on a very dry and hot day. The jambox was playing that Emmylou CD and I was pondering my life. I was in a marriage that just wasn't working. It wasn't bad. We loved each other and there was no serious pain inflicted other than a few random infidelities that had created a resolution of apathy through distrust. The emotional injuries had scarred over and there was no chance of any new wounds occurring or old ones reopening. This old heart had a shut door, sealed up with the key thrown away. A casual friendship with obligatory sex was all that was left. I had been in it for 14 years starting at 18. Often times I felt most like a 17-year-old looking out a window, wondering how I had gotten in this old car that was my life. Worse, I didn't know how to get off, get out, or get the fucking car to stop. These were my reflections as I sat on that cool, LaJitas porch, sucking down a Lone Star beer. I was done. I had to figure out how to get out and start to live again, me, the juvenile 17-year-old Joanna who had been left behind. As Emmylou played a backdrop to my thoughts, I felt my spirit lifting, I would leave, I was leaving, I'd made up my mind. I would figure out a way to eject myself from this passionless marriage at whatever cost. And, I did. It took awhile, and it hurt, but I left and I was fine, am fine, and he's fine. I'm so glad I found a way because the best of life was still waiting for me to find the courage to let that 17-year-old out to play and grow up and become completely who I needed to be. The awesome part was I found someone to play with. It took a few years, but we found each other, right in the other's back pocket. Someone I'd known all along but never expected. Funny how your soulmate can be right there across a bar, a friend you run into at the store or the park, someone you really like as a person, respect as a human. Joel was that someone who would want to be 17 forever but still know how to play grown-up when it was necessary. So here it is, almost a decade later, our little boy Jake is 3 and there is another on the way. It's Valentine's and Emmylou is on the stereo and Jake is playing beside me and even though Joel and I are not together this evening because of his crazy catering job, I know with all the assurance that I know that the Sun will rise tomorrow, this is the love that lasts forever, filled with solidity and trust and respect. I will always be surrounded by encompassing love, wonderful music and profound happiness for eternity. All the good things in our lives stick with us, in our hearts and souls and minds, like a really good soundtrack running through our days.