Inside my brain . . .

My links are fucked up and I'm dying to put up a link list, just understand that I have not chosen to not have a link list, I just really don't know how to reinstate it and that sucks. I'm working on it. Anyway . . .

Can you hear this song in your head by Frankie Valli.

Oh, what a night.
Late December back in '63.
What a very special time for me,
'Cause I remember what a night.

Oh, what a night.
You know, I didn't even know her name,
But I was never gonna be the same.
What a lady. What a night.

Oh, I. I got a funny feeling when she walked
In the room and I,
As I recall it ended much too soon.

Oh, what a night,
Hypnotizing, mesmerizing me.
She was everything I dreamed she'd be.
Sweet surrender, what a night!

I felt a rush like a rolling bolt of thunder
Spinnin' my head around and taking my body under.
Oh, what a night!

Oh, I. I got a funny feeling when she walked
In the room and I,
As I recall it ended much too soon.

Oh, what a night.
Why'd it take so long to see the light?
Seemed so wrong, but now it seems so right.
What a lady, what a night!

I felt a rush like a rolling bolt of thunder
Spinnin' my head around and taking my body under.
Oh, what a night!
(Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do.)
Oh, what a night!
(Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do.)
Oh, what a night!
(Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do.)
Oh, what a night!
(Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do.)
Oh, what a night!
(Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do.)
Oh, what a night!
(Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do

That song is in my head right now. You too can find the lyrics to any song in your head by just going to the link connected to this title.

If I were amazing . . .

this is what I would do. Not only would I do yoga everyday, I would share the love by updating my yogadenada blog regularly, imparting all my insight about stay-at-home yoga with the masses, dropping in on my readers to help adjust poses, dim lights, light incense and rearrange artwork in order to get a proper view for balance. I would sew everyday and post pics regularly to my angrykitty blog. My wardrobe would be a collection of thrift digs, ripped and resewn and cool skirts made from the cloth in the sale bin at the local fabric store. I would be slowly starting my novel about growing up in the 70's with the original divorcee, simultaneously studying magazines from the 70's to do my cultural background work. Enlightened by my research, I would share the information by scanning the cool ads and photos from these great magazines from the 70's (Life, Better Homes & Gardens, etc.) and posting them in my blog. I would regularly release my inner emotional struggles through poetry and I would be studying creative writing, typesetting and design in order to provide myself with a skill that would enhance my money making abilities. Finally, I would buy a home here in lovely Crestview, and proceed to build a fantastic Dwellish, environmentally-correct home that we could live in until Jake and (maybe, a someday, Lola-type, if we can muster the energy to actually try again) other sibling type graduate from school. Oh yeah, I would also have a veggie and herb garden and maybe do a bit of knitting on the side. Instead, I do yoga, do some walking, clean the house all the time, hang out with Jake, read lots of magazines and drink wine, oh, I forgot, I WORK. FUCK WORKING. I hate working. We women took on toooooooo much when we said we would hold down the household, bear children and work. Who ever came up with this women's lib stuff is a pain in my ass. I'd just as soon go back to my grandma's world. Argh. So frustrating. I am channeling Grandma, I know she's out there, watching over me, hopefully she can give me some insight. On a lighter note, another thing I am doing is attempting to walk my ass off for the 3dayorg walk for Breast Cancer in October. Hold on to your ass because what I'm about to say may shock you. I am going to walk 60 miles in 3 days. Ouch. I walked 7 miles last night and I had to sleep in until 8:30am today. Yes, I know that's funny considering I used to sleep until noon regularly, but these days 6:30am is sleeping in, so, yeah, I basically slept all day today. Nonetheless, my dear friend Denise and I are planning to raise $2200.00 individually and walk in the 3dayorg walk. I know it's going to be awe inspiring and amazing and Joel said that he would do it if I got preggers. So, I have no idea what kind of effect that will have on him. Should be excellent. You sleep in tents at night along the way. I think it might hurt a bit because 7 miles is a push, but I'm going to try to build up to 15 miles in the next few months. Maybe it will get rid of this bellyo'mine that I've been lugging around for a year now. I also wanted to do it because I have experienced the shock of breast cancer in a very close relationship, a friend of mine who survived an agressive attack, but also because I never knew my beautiful Grandma Oma who was taken from my mom at a very young age by the ravages of breast cancer. Because of that, cancer is a fear that both my mom and I live with. If you are interested in the 3dayorg walk, hit the title of this blog and it will link you to how to get involved. You don't have to do it in Texas, you can do it all over this great land we call America, the United States. Oh yes. Need . . .more . . .coffee.

Happy Valentine's Day

I know all you guys who are married and such think you have it figured out about love and all but really . . you just never know. I thought I would be with my first husband forever and on the day of our divorce I actually thought we would get back together. No. That will never happen and we were not together forever, only 14 frigging years of my life. No big deal. Really, I thought that my boyfriend after Mark was the love of my life. My perfect fella, but no, he was not the final one for me, though he was good and I do still care for him. We remain friends and that is most important, kind of sacred. No, I think I have it figured out with Joel, it's called kids and sex (oh, I get it, trouble, sex makes kids). For Joel and I, it's "We will make this work for the Boy." But mostly, he continues to be my best friend. The one I want to be with at the end of the day, even if we have fought all day, and we do fight all day. But really, I knew we were the one when I put our names into the love calculator and it gave us a 99 percent chance. I mean Mark and I had a 33 percent chance. That says it all. You should really try it. Just click on the title of this entry and you to can get the closest thing to truth about your love. Meanwhile, do yourself a favor and go get some love on this holiest of love days. Joel and I took yesterday off and had a whole day of doing what we used to do when we didn't have anything to do. If you are married and have kids, you should do this regularly. If you arn't married and you don't have kids but you are in a relationship, you should appreciate your time together. AND. . .if you aren't married and you are single, hell, you should go do whatever the fuck you please because you can and you can never know how nice that is until it's not there anymore. So, go sign up for a 9-day yoga retreat today. That's what I would do. Happy Valentine's Day.

Penis, Women and Rock & Roll!?"

I feel bad for not having any links in my titles. I feel like it's my obligation. I feel worse that I have no links on my blog. I made the mistake of playing with my template and I lost all my links. There were some good ones and that is what makes it so bad. I've been listening to an awesome CD burned by a good friend (an ex-boyfriend) of mine. He burned it for Joel and I can only say. . .check out these bands: Cat Power, Holly Golightly, Kings of Leon and Magnetic Fields. I'm not going to share anymore, these are around and I know you can find them. Sometimes a band is so good, you don't want to let anyone in on the secret. Oh, I just thought of a link. If you don't read BUST, you should. It's the best fucking magazine ever. It's revolutionary. I wait, trembling at my mailbox every other month, for my next issue. I call the office if I notice that an issue is out and not at my mailbox. It's so good, I pour over every page, soaking it in like a chocolate addict eating a bonbon. Thank god for BUST, it saved me while living in that GOD FORSAKEN SHITHOLE CALLED COLORADO. Fuck COLORADO. I HATE COLORADO. O.K. Feeling better after I got that off my chest. So, Joel has been gone alot lately. Crazy, best friend visits, friend of family dies, band practice, catering, etc. So, Jake and I are getting to be very chummy. He loves me, what can I say. Today he explained to me that I was a WOMAN. "Yes, I am a woman." "Claire is a woman," he explains, (Claire is his best bud and Godparents child). "Yes, Claire is a woman," I reply. "I am a man," he states. "Yes, you are a man." I said. "Why am I a man?" He asks. "You are a man because you have a penis." I said. "And it's gonna get you in alot of trouble," I mumbled. "Someday," he said, "I'm going to have a big penis like Dad." "Yes, You Are," I exclaimed. He had his hands in the air, "This big." Hands spread wide, my heart filled with pride. That's my boy. He knows what he's got and he knows where he's going, now, let's just hope he knows what he's doing with it. Hit the link for BUST magazine.

A day OFF

It doesn't seem like it to most, but I work every day. Every day, including today, I take care of Jake, clean the house, wash clothes and even sometimes, cook a meal. I also squeeze in a little of that crazy stuff called paid work. Today, I am currently cleaning the house and this morning I did a little paid work. But, more than anything . . .I took today off. It was awesome. I did not shit-fucking-shit all morning except surf the internet and hang out with Jake while he hid under blankets, played with trains, worked on the Thomas the Train interactive CD's and just goofed off. We never turned on the TV, which was a fucking miracle. Finally, we headed out the door to do one responsible thing then I buzzed around doing things I always want to do but don't because I expect him to be an asshole and he was awesome. We went to a fabric store, a book store and a beauty store. Success at all three. It was beautiful and we went on a great dog walk and I observed my son, visualizing what he would be like in the future, as he crazily road his bike down this hill into a big mound of leaves, then hauled the bike back up the hill to do again. I was convinced he would break his neck everytime, but everytime . . .he made it. It is so exciting to see the daredevil in him and to see his willingness and willfullness to carry his bike up the hill himself. My god, he's becoming a boy. Now, I'm being responsible and picking up before we dig into a big bowl of popcorn and watch a japanese anime movie. It's a tradition with us to watch tv and eat popcorn when Dad's out of town, and, well, Dad's out of town. What a day.

These guys rrrrrock!

Hit the link and you will see. WWRTD. I finally got to see the darling man I call a husband rock it out with his new band "The Ron Titter Band" and I was pleasantly pleased. There is nothing better than seeing him play and we got to go out and be rockstars for the night. Babysitter came and took care of the Jake and though the pocketbook is hurting today and my brain is hurting today, I feel 10 years younger. It's good to know that I can still hit the town and have some fun. It's almost 12 noon and I have done absolutely nothing. All the guys in the band are awesome and I think they are really on to something. Strangely, the bands went downhill after them. It was thier first show and they were tight. You could really feel the presence of Ron Titter. As a woman of 41, there is something really sexy about a bunch of guys rocking it out that you know take it seriously and are dedicated. All the music is on and the lyrics are hilarious. Greg is an outstanding frontman. Go see them. It was so much fun having a drink at Club de Ville and checking out all the fashion. I am desperate for a grandma type. What to do. What to do. O.K. I am on project diet. Gotta lose the fat. Think I'll go check out my cardio tapes now. Just wanted to spread the word of Ron Titter. I think we need a holiday. You know, trees, gifts, big meals, in celebration of the birth of Ron Titter. Can I bitch about Chistmas a bit. No, I'll save that for another entry.

Super Heroes, Tampax and Feminism

I typed this title to tuck away in my mind a memory of a day that happened quite a long time ago but is pretty fucking relevant right about now. Men, now is the time to "avert your eyes" because what I'm about to describe is going to disgust you. I have given up on tampons. I am tired of shoving cotton sticks made of god knows what up my twat once a month for 4 days and having to deal with the aftermath. Ladies, I hope you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, this story isn't originally about that. I have used mini-pads with tampons for years. Lately, everytime I run into a convenience store to pick up more mini-pads they never have any so I resort to buying max-pads out of desperation. The first pack I brought home was quickly converted into SUPER HERO bands by Jake. He was fascinated by the packaging, ripping open numerous ones and putting them around our wrists like the control pad in The Incredibles. We were both wearing them around the house proclaiming SUPER HERO status. I managed to wrestle the pads away from him without losing all of them in the process. It was the remainder of this packet that turned me on to the fact that maybe tampons weren't for me anymore. I was chatting with my girlie (sistagirl) friend, who's name I will protect in light of the topic, and she said she had stopped wearing tampons. I was intrigued. I tried it out and I felt better. It's a little crazy, old-fashioned and such but I feel like I'm 12 again. I did some more research and found that a few other girlie friends of mine were on the same path. Hmmm. I sat down at my handy dandy notebook computer and did some hunting and pecking. What I wanted to find was that tampons were bad for you and I was on a path of good health. I didn't find anything, but I did discover a website that is worthy of a peruse. These girls are discussing different types of reusable and environmental menustration apparatus thingiemajiggers with wonderful sarcasm. It all made me think of how women are creating there own feminism. Feminism had taken on this new meaning. Before, we were working on gaining equal rights but now we are more about developing ourselves into a more natural form of who we really are. Feminists dress sexy, love to fuck, crochet, cook, sew and more. A feminist doesn't have to leave the house. A feminist is a mother, a stock broker, an artist, a baker, a banker. But most of all a feminist is a woman who is being a woman. Hit the title of this blog and it will link to the site discussing period related products. May you go forward on the path that is best for you.

Boobs, Nipples and HotDogs, Oh My!

So, last night Joel, Jake, Gus, Red and myself were at the dogpark. Jake and I separated off and we were racing to catch up with Joel and the dogs. I was able to run quite aways and was really impressed with myself because my ankle has given me tons of trouble since the sprain. Finally, I stopped running, saying, "Oh Jakie, Mom's boobs can't take it anymore", (I didn't have a bra on). Jake responded, "Yeah Mom, let's stop, my nipples can't take anymore either". Now, that's some good stuff. We have been having some lengthy conversations about girls and boobs, and boys and nipples. You know, trying to distinguish between the two and such. It's so much fun to break out in a run like a little kid again, the one good thing you can do for yourself and your child is to break out and break down and get on thier level and just be a kid again. It's easy. And it all goes in stride with something I just read today that really cracked me up. It came from an awesome article in The Sun Magazine. It's an excerpt from Rob Brezsny's new book "Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia". This is a brief piece in the article. The whole article is linked to the title to this entry. Rob Brezsny is the author of Free Will Astrology which is a syndicated feature in many free weeklies around the country. If you haven't ever seen it, well, I'm not sure what to say. He's very fun and wise and quirky and awesome.

"Make me one with everything," the buddhist monk said to the hog-dog vendor who was hawking food near the temple. The vendor made a frank with mustard, ketchup, relish, and onions. The monk took it and handed over a twenty-dollar bill. The vendor stashed the cash in his apron and turned his attention to the next customer. "But where's my change? the monk inquired. "Change must come from within, my friend, " said the vendor.

This article really focuses on a belief I have been pursuing for sometime, relentlessly at points. You have the choice to decide how you will perceive things. You can look at everything in your life with a negative influence or you can turn every single moment into a positive experience. It's easy to preach it but how easy is it to live it. I fail everyday, and I am reminded everyday of the absolute miracles in my life, mostly through Jake. Negative begets Negative. Is that right? Negative thoughts are like a nasty infection, eating it's way through lives and spreading itself everywhere, no stone left unturned. Stop, take a breath, and look around your life at what you can be thankful for. See the positive in every step. Nothing is directly happening to you. You just happen to be in the way at that moment. Anyway, catch a read. The Sun continues to awe me with outstanding literature in spite of themselves.

Just in time for Christmas

I know I've linked to her before but hey, she's my bestest of friends and I can't help myself. I love what she's doing. So, if you are looking for a truly unique gift or an awesomely beautiful card (that's 100% environmental) then hit the link to her site. Just surf around and you will find cool cakes that are made of wooden bases with her 100% locally drawn art pieces on them and coated with a caustic wax top. Check it out on her site because I suck describing it. Her cards are printed on paper that have seeds embedded in it and she uses soy ink so it's the gift that keeps giving. You and your child, mother, grandmother, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, dog, cat, etc. can plant this card and the memory will live on forever (as long as you water it regularly). Anyway, just check it out and you will see that she does a much better job of describing it than me. O.K. stay tuned for lots of positive living reading. My yoga is staying on track and making me feel very good about my core. Gotta get up and clean, clean, clean. The story of my life. Have a good week.

Caramel Apples

So, I do not make pretty caramel apples. But, I'm sure they are good. The time change was right out of nowhere. I mean, whoa. So, I was up bright and early, doing my YAAC and then making caramel apples before 9am. Here I am giving all of my 2 readers an update on life as a homemaker. As it turns out, there are all kinds of fancy recipes for a good caramel apple, but I just melted them and dunked them and rolled them in walnuts I had leftover from the last shoot. I'm excited. Anyway, for any of you trying to do some apple dunking in the next two days I have provided a link of fancy recipes. Do tell, how do you melt your caramels?

Hip Home Ec, Cooking and so much more

So, we made it to the beach and back and I've somehow got a handle on my new routine, YAAC, YOGA AT ALL COSTS. Since we have returned I've been trying out this new thing that's an old thing called "cooking supper". Nutty. I've discovered an awesome book I wish I'd had around when I was a single chicky called, "Hip Home Ec, Get Crafty" by Jean Railla. It's really wonderful with handy tips about sewing, gift making, girl power and what you need to have in your fridge at all times. I'm still fantasizing about a life of cooking, sewing, baking, gardening, yoga and such. Halloween is upon us and I'm dreaming of pumpkins and candied apples. We went to a fun carnival at Travis Heights elementary and ate all kinds of bad stuff like corn dogs, sausage wraps, flavored ice, cookies, cupcakes and popcorn. Ooooh. We went through a scary haunted house and I had a ladybug painted on my face. We went with old friends and it was a lovely evening. Jake has decided to be spiderman, so we will see how that goes when we actually put the costume on him. Independent minded fella that he is, you never know which direction he will go. I've got a new handle on the yoga thing. I have decided that I have to do it every day. It's important for my mental well-being and makes me feel better than just about anything else (except for orgasms, teehee), jeez did I just say that out loud. So, with that said, I have explained to "THE JAKE" that he can watch me, do it with me, or go to his room. That seems fair. Part of watching me is sitting on the couch giggling and saying "butt, butt, butt" every time the instructor does a "hiney in the air" pose. Oh well, I still see it as progress as long as he does not climb on me. I'll be honest, I have not pursued my efforts of being a rollergirl impersonator. I'm still trying to perfect my impersonation of myself, which is pretty fucking hard I might add. Still working on me, yup, trying to figure out just who I am don't ya know, yep, yep, yep. So, let me know if you have any clues. So, in closing, I will just say that the trip to Port Aransas was so amazing and beautiful and perfect. We had to leave the pups behind because it was too damn pricey to bring them. The Beachgate encourages you to not bring them by charging $15.00 per night, per dog. OUCH. It was actually very relaxing not having them and we really focused on Jake, eating and drinking beer. We just pondered and wandered the beach and Jake was so happy there was a permanant smile on his face that was downright goofy. We promised ourselves regular visits. As our good friend Dave said last night . . .every 7 days, every 7 weeks, every 7 months, every 7 years. It's been a while for us and we truly embraced it.

Jake and Yogurt and Yoga

I'm sitting here with Jake, while he eats yogurt and I drink tea and I'm trying to explain to him why I want to do yoga and why I wish he wouldn't crawl on me while I do it. I want him to share yoga with me, I want him to learn to appreciate it. But, when I do it, he crawls all over me like a monkey. It's a bummer. We are packing up the fam and heading to the coastal of town of Port Aransas, Texas. It's wonderful and I'm so excited I could pee. I have not seen the ocean since January 2004. That was Hawaii and it was awesome, but going to Port A is liking going home. I've been visiting that town since I was in 3rd grade. That's a long time. I haven't been there in years. It's a healing process and we are always in need of a little healing. We are staying at the everlasting, everlovin' Beachgate. Once again, been going there for years too. This is Jake's 1st visit to the Texas coast and he's really excited. Click on the title entry and you can see a very fun place to stay in Port A.

Inner Peace

Is it possible. How can I justify trying to impart such a thing when I am so far from it myself. Though I will not deny you that I am feeling closer to it now than I have in a while. As I creep ever so closely to my 41st birthday I know that I am entering a very favored decade. Many women say that this decade and turning 50 was one of the greatest turning points of thier lives. A time of happiness, security and comfort. I know that this can be true. Of course, financial freedom always helps and I'm sure that many women attain it moving into thier 40's. I guess you either accept who you are or figure out what you are about. Either way, I am still a little confused by all of it. All I know is that I am Jake's mom. That's good. The rest is just eggs in the fridge, the last spoonful of peanut butter, a found candybar in the fridge, the 10 dollar bill in the dryer. You get it, right. Joel and I embark in the last 3 months before starting the last effort to have a 2nd child. I would by no means say we are desperate, but we would really love to have a baby in the house. Jake wants it too, more than we can imagine. He talks about twins, a baby brother and a sister. TWINS. O.k. I can do that. YOU CAN DO IT! I yell to my ovaries, my eggs, Joel's sperm. Let's clean up our act and get the hell out of Dodge. I want to start trying yesterday, damnit. I have to try so hard to ignore that little, evil voice in my head that says "You can't do it, you've tried, it won't work. You are destined to one only child." And, that is not so bad, but I keep seeing a little girl. And is that so wrong. I had her in my damn hands and she slipped away. So, we try again. Other than that, we are balancing the act of making money and having a life. We don't do either with leisure. No middle ground here, only highs and lows. I heard an amazing interview with John Lennon on KUT, 90.5 (Austin). I continue to be amazed by him and really by the Beatles. I dug up Jake's 1st album, The Beatles 1, Greatest Hits. It's awesome. Diverse. Try to check the interview out on KUT archives. I couldn't find it, but I was in a hurry. Start a donation jar for my yogayoga certification. If you donate, I guarantee you free yoga lessons for life. Yes, I'm liking that idea a lot. Adios, Ciao, Aloha, Shalom. Happy New Year.

For all you readers . . .

If you are reading this blog, I have decided to spend some time on my yogadenada blog. It's for building and assisting an at-home yoga practice. So, take a look and I will work on it over the weekend. I'm still working on my rollergirl impersonation and I just found out about something called punkrockyoga in Seattle. Wow. Check it out by hitting the title of this entry. It's so cool and I may just have to wrap it into my aspirations of a certification at YogaYoga. Well, all my preparations for a big storm today are for naught. I guess we won't even get a drop of rain. Joel wins this bet.

More Rollergirl & Molotov

So last night we went and saw the band Molotov. It fucking rocked and I got so excited I had to drink a beer, which I have sworn off as of late. As I always say, if you don't know Molotov, get to know them, they are a hardcore, talented, Mexican rock band that make you want to jump up and down and yell "Chinga Tu Madre" at the top of your voice. Can you do that? I couldn't. I was very poised. Anyway, after much discussion, Joel and I decided that I would prep to be a Rollergirl. I'm gonna build up muscle, get lean, fuck up my hair, go crazy, get tattoos and basically grow into my own. I'm gonna learn how to rollerskate. But, I'm not going to become a Rollergirl because I can't even kill a spider so how could I possibly elbow a chick in the chest. Please stay tuned for any updates on my shaping up to be a non-Rollergirl that looks like a Rollegirl. Yeah, a Rollergirl impersonator. Oooooh. I need a name.

I wanna be a Rollergirl

Really. I just got my latest issue of BUST magazine and once again I am rocked off my ass by this amazing piece of literature that excites me to no end. There was a spread on Rollergirls and I got so excited. I mean in this world of exquisite and exhaustingly expensive fashion, the Rollergirls have got a style that is in my heart and soul. Being a mom who has to escort my son to the wonderful Jewish Community Center, I am so hyperaware of what I look like and I really am not cutting it. Even when I try to look normal, I get so frustrated and end up in some half-baked outfit that just makes me look like trouble. If I were a Rollergirl no one would care what I looked like because I would be a Rollergirl and I would be one tough ass chick. I could get a bunch of tattoos (but I can't afford them, and I would have tons if I could afford them) and keep my hair all bleached and fucked up and have blackeyes and bruises and maybe even lose a tooth. I am going to go get some rollerblades and start skating tomorrow damnit. I wonder if they will have me. I mean I have never even broken one single bone. I'm terrified. Will these girls really be mean or are they really sweethearts who just look mean. I'm so excited. I'm going to be a Rollergirl. Now, I just gotta learn how to skate.

The Peace Book and John Lennon

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

In reading these lyrics, I remember that there was a time when people wanted peace and pursued it at the cost of their own lives. I want something greater than withdrawal from Iraq, which I understand is impossible right now. I want something more than the equality of all beings, black, white, brown, red, yellow and purple. I want a world where my son can grow up not pointing a gun at another man, woman or himself. I want a world where global warming is a history lesson on what we did right to change it. I want us to work with each other not against each other. I don't know what happened in New Orleans. I know as much as I can reading the CNN reports and watching 20/20. I know that it was bigger than the Mayor or the Governor or the President or the Federal Government. No one is to blame and everyone is to blame. But more importantly, what are we as people doing for our future. Are the hurricanes a result of global warming? Were the people of New Orleans left to sit in their own shit because they are black or because they are poor. Why is it that people live in this country at a poverty level that I cannot imagine even though I can barely pay my bills every month. The distribution of money in this country should be brought into question during this immense tragedy following on the heels of Iraq. I know that 911 is a distress call. If my house was flooding and I was trapped in my attic I would call 911 and I would assume that all efforts would be made to get me out of my attic. New Orleans issued a 911 and it was as if there were no directions to the location. I'm not sure what I'm getting at, but when I step back and look at the big picture I see a national problem that is bigger than whether the mayor or governor did their job correctly or whether even the president handled things properly. I see the United States driving at warp speed down a dead end road. With that said. . .I bought a book called "The Peace Book, 108 simple ways to create a more peaceful world". And I'm trying to understand the environmental issues that might be at play through natural disasters. I have so many thoughts coursing through my heart and mind and I'm not sure where it is all leading to. I guess I just feel that New Orleans brought into play the horrible unbalance in America. I'm subject to these issues. Joel and I work hard to take care of our lives but we run behind every month. We have college degrees and we make good money. What happens to those who weren't given the opportunities that we were. Why is it that we can't get a balance in this world. We are so busy spreading democracy that we have forgotten how to take care of our own. If you click on the title of this entry you will be sent to the Humane Society of the United States. I cannot get the animals off my mind during this tragedy. I have signed up to take a dog. It saddens my heart to see all these animals searching for their owners. Thanks for letting me pour my heart out.

Buffalo Springfield Struck a Note

There's something happening here
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a gun over there
Telling me I've got to beware

Think it's time we stop
Hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

There's battle lines being drawn again
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong again
Young people speaking their minds once again
So much resistance from behind

Think it's time we stop
Hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

What a field day for the heat
A thousand people standing in the street
Singing songs and carrying the signs, oh no
They mostly say "hooray for our side"

We've got to stop
Hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
Step outta line the men come and shoot you down

Think it's time we stop
Hey, what's that sound
Hey, hey, hey we've got to stop and take a look around
No, no, yeah stop, hey, what's that sound hey, hey, hey
We've got to stop and take a look around

Think it's time we stop
Hey, what's that sound
Look what's going down yeah, yeah, yeah

Bush Sucks

I think I can comfortably say that if there were ever a time to feel justified in your disgust for a president, now is it. As Bush smirked and tried to squirm out of why the people of New Orleans have not received immediate help, I was appalled and once more completely embarrassed to be an American. Finally, maybe now, the American people as a whole can see what an absolutely ego-centric imbecile of a president we have leading (????) our country. Attached to this title is an interview with New Orlean's Mayor, Ray Nagin. This interview gave me chill bumps. If you know someone right now who is seemingly and wholy unaffected by this situation, walk over right now and fucking punch them for me, please. I'm disgusted by the apathy. I'm so tired of living in a country where international involvement continually takes precedent over saving, helping and assisting the poor, innocent people victim to natural disaster. This isn't just happening to those people in New Orleans, watch how we are all affected by this. How much more grief must we be subjected to. Now is the time to get up off your ass and do something. Read this interview and maybe you, me and everyone will understand a little bit more about what's happening in New Orleans. Those people LEFT behind couldn't leave, couldn't fathom it. It's like warning an ant bed before you poor gasoline on it. They wouldn't hear you and they wouldn't know what to do because they wouldn't understand what you are saying. This is New Orleans. These people have lived here for generations. It wasn't going to happen to them. Right. You know this feeling. It won't happen to me. Well, just wait, because it will. Now is the time to take a stand and make a voice be heard. The lop-sided way of doing things in this country has got to turn around or we as a state, a country, a world and race will never survive. Next up, the insurance companies are refusing to reimburse the victims of New Orleans because it was a flood, not a hurricane. Hold that thought while I dig up some ammunition on the most fucking corrupt business since the government.

My heart goes out to New Orleans.

I can remember spending Christmas in New Orleans. My ex and I would eat Christmas Dinner then head out on the 8 hour drive to New Orleans to spend the rest of Christmas in some hotel, gambling and drinking until all hours of the morning. I remember driving my mom to New Orleans to drop her car on the boat to go to Bahrain. We stopped off at the coastal towns and laughed because we couldn't understand cajun. Trading off who would get out of the car to get directions. I remember walking the streets and fantasizing of starting a new life there. It's culture is so far-reaching, the beautiful, colorful people of New Orleans. I just found a copy of Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins and considered re-reading it for the 3rd time. Now, I think my heart would ache hearing the descriptions of that crazy city. Will New Orleans ever recover and what happens to all of those poor people who have lost everything. It makes me appreciate my extremely humble life and puts everything in perspective in terms of money and success. I'm so grateful for my son and husband and my little house and all my family. Joel's dear friend Happy has left his home with his 3 year old son, wife and new born baby. They have left everything behind including thier financial resources. If you click on the title of this entry you will be sent to a CNN site that is open to people reporting thier personal experiences of this tragedy. It's important to read these entries and know the very first hand experiences of people just like you and me whose lives are being upended by this horrible mishap, and those survivors who narrowly missed death. If you have the resources, please consider donating. If you have too many clothes, clean out your closets now. Whatever we can do to help our brothers and sisters in this life-changing natural disaster. With that said, I'm off to deal with my own life.